Thursday, April 29, 2010

10 Most Irritating Things Men Do During Sex

1- Leaving your socks or shoes on Forget what you learned from watching porn.
If you are one of those guys that tends to rush getting undressed in the throes of passion, take your socks off first and stash them far, far away from her sensitive nose. Otherwise, try to undress as slowly as you can, and remember to remove your pants last.

2- Answering your cell phone
Cell phone use during intercourse seems to be at an all-time high. According to a BBDO Worldwide survey, 15% of Americans have interrupted sex to answer a cell phone call. To resist the urge to drop her breast for your ringing phone, turn it off before you begin foreplay. This is particularly true if your mother has a tendency to check up on you during the day. If she is likely to call, make sure to turn off your answering machine as well.

3- Engaging in small talk
Women love vocal, erudite men, but during intercourse is not the time to show off your gregariousness. And ditch the tautological demagoguery about the origin of the universe. The only thing you should be talking about is how much she turns you on and how great it feels to be inside her. Now’s not the time to be watching the game.

4- Watching anything other than her
This includes sports broadcasts. To avoid the temptation of staring at the TV, turn it off; better yet, remove it from your bedroom. A study by an Italian sexologist has found that couples who have a TV set in their bedroom have sex only half as often as those who don’t. Other frequent transgressions include checking a clock or observing your pecs or beer belly in the mirror. You are supposed to be looking at your woman (preferably in her eyes), and that means forgetting everything else. If you feel yourself getting distracted, try to redirect your attention by practicing mindfulness -- staying in the moment by tuning all of your senses to your current experience. Focus on the softness of her skin, the aroma of her hair and the sounds of her moans.

5- Drooling on her (or spitting globs of saliva on her face)
You can use your saliva as a moisturizer on her genitals, but keep it away from her face. It’s gross, and she won’t care if you’ve seen it in some adult movie.

6- Collapsing two seconds after your climax
In your defense, there is a physiological reason that men feel sleepy after orgasm, and this is because the post-climactic blood rush depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving them feeling physically drained. Glycogen loss also triggers the release of adenosine, which acts as a messenger to the cells, triggering sleep. Because men have more muscle mass than women, men are more likely to feel sleepy just when their partners are yearning for some after-sex cuddling. But, just like you rose above your physiology’s tendency to reach orgasm in two to five minutes, you can rise above this sleepiness reflex. Put some energetic dance music on the stereo, turn the lights on, have a sip of Sex Kola or another high-caffeine drink, or practice lovemaking in a place where you are unlikely to doze off, like on the kitchen counter. Whatever it takes, give your partner the romancing she needs while she is cooling down from the heat of your manly passion.

7- Mentioning the sexual skills of other women
Don’t ever, ever talk about other women while making love. Women particularly resent you mentioning your ex-girlfriends or comparing your current experience to that with any other woman. Needless to say, consider any reference to a concurrent wife or girlfriend to be a total taboo. There might be an occasional exception, such as when she asks you to imagine having a threesome with Angelina Jolie or some other woman who turns her on. But otherwise, the rule is: When her panties come off, she is the only woman in the world for you. Cracking jokes in bed and addressing her “wee-wee”.

8- Turning sex into stand-up comedy
You may be a potential winner at amateur night at your local Comedy Store, but forget about giggling, snickering, laughing or telling jokes while making love. While women love a good sense of humor, and it’s a great seduction tool, being silly or laughing can hamper her arousal and trivialize the sexual experience for her, so lose your humor with your clothes. You can pick it up again during post-coital bliss -- after you’ve told her how great it was for you.

9- Using infantile pet names for body parts
Call a clit a clit, and a vagina is a vagina, not a wee-wee. She doesn’t care what you call your penis when you’re masturbating or telling guy jokes with your buddies, or what your mother called it when she was changing your diapers. She wants to feel that she is a grown-up woman experiencing mature lovemaking with a real prince charming, and not a little girl “playing doctor.” Sex is an adult activity, so grow up before engaging in it.

10- Forgetting about your physiological differences
She is not a RealDoll made to withstand 250 pounds of pressure, nor is her vagina ready to receive pillow-pounding thrusts from the first moment of contact. A woman’s vagina is designed to receive maximum stimulation in its outer one to two inches and to expand (through a process called “tenting”) to receive deeper and harder thrusts as her arousal progresses. So starting slowly, shallowly and gently allows her to enjoy it much more -- and prevents you from climaxing too soon -- and also gives her time to work up to those heavy hip slammers.

Most embarrassing way to die!!

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This is how South Park would be in reality

I cant' believe a LITTLE GIRL did this because of Justin Bieber

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

This is definitely the most EMBARRASSING STAUS UPDATE.. GIRL OWNED BY MOM!

That how the first coca cola small can look

AMAZING oprah winfrey as a child!!the real deal!!

That how shrek would be in reality

BY FAR THE BEST OWNAGE ON FACEB00K EVER!! REAL EPIC STUFF!

The 10 Lies Girls Tell Guys All The Time !

(10) I trust you.
(9) I don’t like attention from other men.
(8) It doesn’t bother me if you look at other women.
(7) It doesn’t matter how much you make.
(6) You’re the best I’ve ever had!
(5) Size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it!
(4) Your friends are great! I don’t mind if they come over.
(3) I don’t mind if you go to a strip club with your friends
(2) ..Nothing is wrong, I'm OK
(1) I'm a virgin

Top 10 Celebrity Mugshots (LOL)

Ozzy Osbourne
Mick Jagger
Kid Rock
Snoop Dog
MJ
Robe Downey jr.
Vince Vaughn
Macaulay Culkin
50 Cent
Neyo

I LMFAO when i saw this on Google!

I bet this guy will regret getting this tattoo once he's older!!

OMG !! Alien spotted on Google Earth !!


A misty shape, bearing a distinct similarity to the movie alien, was captured behind a bush next to a mysterious beam of light.

The spooky snap was caught by Google image cameras in the town of Berkeley Heights in New Jersey.

Some claim the image could be evidence of life in outer space while others point to a simple trick of the light.

The ‘ET’ alien was photographed on Diamond Hill Road, a semi-rural location about eight miles from Morristown Municipal Airport, New Jersey and 30 miles from the bright lights of New York City.

Malcolm Robinson, head of the Strange Phenomena Investigations, described the image as “the first of its kind”.

He said: “On close inspection the similarities with ET are obvious but it’s hard to say with any certainty what exactly it is “Of added interest is the strange beam of light to the right, which I cannot explain either. “This picture is the first of it’s kind, as far as I’m aware, in that its been captured on Google’s new Street View technology. “However, because it was captured by Google it would appear that there aren’t any witnesses to back up what was photographed, which is frustrating. “Without further details to go on I’m really stumped. We’d all love it to be alien, but that’s a big assumption.”

Nick Sawyer, one of many web-users to have spotted the alien-like creature, added: “Whatever it is, you cannot deny that it looks exactly like ET. “The head is an oblong shape and it seems to have the same long neck and fat body. “There is also a beam of light right next to him, who knows, that might be an unseen spaceship trying to make contac

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

101 Things NOT to Say During Sex!

1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose

7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out

11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today

12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?

15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...

47. No, really... I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people..

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession...

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please

78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

79. You can cook, too right?

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed

85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"

93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?

OMG. I Cant Believe Lady Gaga Looked Like This!








10 Most Irritating Things Women Do During Sex


1. Get in the mood
Cuddling does not count as initiating playtime. A man likes to feel desired too and for a change, he'd like it if his woman actually showed her interest by unbuttoning his shirt and pants. A woman should strip a man naked and strive to arouse him to the point where nature takes over. She should not wait to be asked to get it doggy-style either. A good woman will roll over and present -- she knows she loves it.

2. Lack of foreplay?
Wouldn't it be nice if women spent some time arousing their men for a change? Why is it that it's the man's job alone to arouse himself and his mate?

3. Playing dead
"Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home? Come on... I have become comfortably numb." Doesn't this give the Pink Floyd song so much more meaning? Why do some women insist on using sex as a time to catch up on their beauty sleep? Are they participants, or just spectators taking notes on a man's performance so they can report back to their girlfriends? The next time you hear a woman complaining about a bad sexual experience ask her, "Where were you when all this happened? At least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation."

4. Yanking the penis
Insist that your penis not be used as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen her forearms. Inform her that the "sweet" stroke is the down stroke, towards the body, and that she refrain from pulling the foreskin away from the body.

5. Lollipop fellatio
The male organ is a thing of wonderment and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. Why do some women think that fellatio involves licking a man's penis as if it's a lollipop? The magic is in her vacuum-like abilities. Tell her to be gentle, keep teeth away at all times and use lots of saliva.

6. Brushing teeth
Asking a man to go brush his teeth after he has finished performing his cunnilingus duties is unsexy and can really ruin the mood. On the other hand, if a woman expects a kiss after performing her fellatio duties, it is expected that she be considerate and hop to the washroom right away to brush her teeth.

7. Spit bucket
It's understandable that some women do not like the taste of semen. But the most annoying thing a woman can do by far is put a spit basket beside her. Spitting into the basket every two minutes really cheapens and degrades the whole act. If your woman cannot handle the taste, ask her to stop out of respect, or rub some Strawberry/Kiwi Juice on your penis to camouflage the taste of semen.

8. Lack of position savvy
A small number of women have no clue how to move around in bed, making it very clumsy and awkward to try any new and erotic positions. This is probably due to lack of experience or participation in past relationships. When I say position 69, I don't mean to literally position her in a number shape. Or when I suggest doggy-style, I don't mean for her to bark either. I suggest that you give her a sex manual, or read one yourself to help her reach incredible new heights of unbelievable intense sexual pleasure. That, or get her an Etch A Sketch.

9. Distractions
In order to fully enjoy sex, one must indulge themselves in the moment without being distracted by menial thoughts such as doing the laundry, washing the dishes, making a shopping list, or repainting the bedroom. If your woman begins to talk about such things, ask her to go back to playing dead

10. Faking orgasm
How can a man improve his sexual performance if his woman keeps faking orgasm? As long as he thinks she's satisfied, he'll keep doing the same thing, and she'll keep faking. Eventually it will become a vicious cycle. Some women still have the nerve to complain about their men's lovemaking skills. Instead of complaining to their girlfriends, women should make it a habit of letting men know when they're pleasing them and when they're not. Men deserve some credit, our egos are not as fragile as women think. As long as it's constructive criticism, men won't mind if it will improve the lovemaking.

20 Chuck Norris Facts You Probably Didn't Know

The High School Teacher Arrested for having A Relationship With His Student

The Hidden Body Part The Artists at Disney Didn't Want You To See

Monday, April 26, 2010

This is how Spongebob and Patrick would be in reality

BY FAR THE BEST BREAK UP ON FACEB00K EVER!! TRULY EPIC!

25 Fun Things To Do At McDonald’s

1. Sit in a corner and pretend like you’re making out with yourself. (This works even better when 2 people are doing it separately.)

2. Pay entirely in pennies.

3. Tell them you require three copies of the receipt for filing reasons.

4. Order a shake, and tell them you want bacon with it. If they say no, complain loudly for others to hear, and scream out, "I guess you really don't wana see me smile do you, because right now I don't exactly feel like smiling in light of the extenuating circumstances!"

5. Ask to see the manager, then complain to him about all of life’s problems. If they don’t let you talk to the manager, walk out muttering, “You're gonna be reading about this in the papers.”

6. While you’re in line, jump up and down like you’re having a spazz attack and scream repeatedly, “YO QUIERO TACO BELL!”

7. Sell White Castle food in the restrooms. Then when people get food poisoning you can blame it on McDonald’s.

8. Walk in wearing a Burger King hat. (Great when 3 or 4 people do this at the same time.)

9. Bring in a fart machine and keep setting it off, meanwhile making comments like, “Man, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten here.”

10. Return your food and tell them you’re allergic to nuclear waste mixed with gasoline byproducts.

11. Bring in a video camera and tell them they’re live on 20/20. (You should see the looks on their faces!)

12. Stand on a table with a megaphone and whenever somebody complains say, “This isn’t Burger King, you can’t have it your way.”

13. Flood the soda fountain machine. (It’s more interesting than flooding toilets.)

14. Walk to the drive-thru window and order. (If you really wanna tick ‘em off, skateboard.)

15. Take about 30 or so straws and blow all the wrappers at people. If anyone gives you a look, act a bit too innocent.

16. Speak gibberish, and act confused when they try to tell you that they don’t know how to speak gibberish too.

17. Chuck something at one of the employees. (I bet you five bucks they chuck it back.)

18. Chuck Skittles, M&Ms, or other small candy back into the cooking area.

19. Take two bites out of your burger, then tell the employee it’s cold and ask for a new one. Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat.”

20. Act like a schizo while you’re ordering. (“I’ll have a cheeseburger.” “No, chicken nuggets!” “Cheeseburger!”) Slap yourself to make it look convincing.

21. Climb on top the Play Place. When they tell you to come down, fall off and pretend your hurt, then threaten to sue.

22. When it’s your turn to order, start a conversation with the employee. Ask them how was their day, etc. When someone gets ticked and calls for the manager, scram, or start a conversation with him too.

23. Try to stuff your coins sideways into the charity box. Then when they don’t fit, start complaining loudly about how McDonald’s is so greedy and how they’re ripping off their charities. (Act really outraged about it.)

24. Try to bribe an employee for cheaper food. If they give in, call the manager. (Keep any food they gave you, though.)

25. Walk in and go sit down in a seat, then grab the little table advertisement thingy, (you know what I'm talking about, the triangular thingy by the salt and pepper, yeah that.) Well look at it turning it over and over and then say defiantly, "I know what I'm going to order, I'm ready!" After about five minutes, scream out, "Waiter!" Then after about five more minutes get up, and stomp out of the restaurant with the advertisement thingy. Then turn arround, come back in, and throw the advertisement thingy at the cashier and yell, "Your service sucks! You just lost yourself a customer, you hear that! A customer! Your not gonna see me smile!"

Most Disgusting Wall Post In History!!

Is This The Creepiest Photo Ever Taken!?

The Prom Dress That Got This Girl Suspended From School